by Reed Barthold
The goal of the Power Rankings is to make a mediocre House league sound interesting. And frankly, that’s going to be impossible to do this week. No upsets occurred and the teams that were supposed to win won. But I’ll try and make it sound as interesting as possible. Apologies to my co-commentator, but I’m using the first person… and did you hear how your team got dunked on? It was awesome.
1. Cavaliers (W, 47-19)
The Cavs are simply unstoppable. Although they suffered a tough 1-point loss to the Pacers, the one loss certainly does not reflect their skill. The Raptors are not a walk in the park when it comes to winning a basketball game, but the Cavs certainly made it seem like it was.
2. Pacers (W, 35-27)
As the saying goes, when you can’t draft Brian Davey, take his younger brother. The Pacers do not have a number one player, but Davey combined with Magnusson and Bloom is a force to be reckoned with. The Pacers play a 40 minute, full-team, full-court press which tires out their opponents extremely quickly. (Not to mention a team with only five men). If the Pacers lack in anything, it is the ability to score with each drive. The Pacers are a fast team, and sometimes that comes back and hurts them.
3. Knicks (W, 57-47)
Blake Griffin’s dunk on Kendrick Perkins received over three million views on YouTube, but a dunk by an NBA player is expected. What wasn’t expected was “MAlex” (I don’t know which one) Skolds’ dunk over Trevor McGovern during Sunday’s matchup. In House the crowd cheers if a player makes a breakaway layup, but to see a 10th grader actually dunk is pretty extraordinary. That’s really all that happened during the relatively uneventful Bulls vs. Knicks match on Sunday.
4. Nets (W, 29-24)
Nothing really happened during this game. Two evenly matched teams faced off, and one won by five points. The end.
5. Wizards (L, 24-29)
Read the above ranking. I’m getting lazy on you, guys.
6. Celtics (W, 44-38)
When a certain pair of twins doesn’t foul out, the Celtics can win. No one is entirely certain whether or not the Celtics’ win was based on their skill, or on the 76ers’ struggle to pull it together as a team and their unhealthy habit of losing a player each game due to his lack of self-control.
7. Bulls (L, 47-57)
Few teams have beaten the Knicks with the Skolds present; even less teams have bounced back after getting dunked on. The Bulls’ ability to hold on to a ten point deficit against the Knicks is pretty impressive, despite the twin telepathy the Skolds twins possess. After a well-coordinated assist drive by the Skolds twins, the Traver twins took a stab at the same move, with little success.
8. Raptors (L, 19-49)
Despite the Raptors’ large point deficit against the Cavs on Sunday, they still beat out the bottom four teams due to the raw talent present on their roster. If not that, it is extremely hard to beat the Cavs.
9. 76ers (L, 38-44)
The Sixers struggle with scoring as a team. They rarely pass, and often take shots outside the arch. They are most likely below .500 with shots taken to shots missed because of the amount of careless shots they throw up. Harry Gillespie and Reilly Bloom are really the Sixers’ only light in the playoffs. They could have regained control of the game if one player didn’t try to physically and verbally assault the other team with five minutes to go.
10. Heat (L, 27-35)
The Heat only had five players who showed up on Sunday and that really factored into the Heat’s chances of winning. The Pacers implemented a full-game, full-court press which exhausted the Heat early in the game.
11. Bucks (L, 19-29)
The Bucks did lose to the worst team in the league but they are still placed above the Bobcats because of certain (made up) logistics behind the very intricately thought out power rankings.
12. Bobcats (W, 29-19)
Enjoy your second win Bobcats. The ‘Cats play the Cavs on Wednesday and the Bulls on Sunday. That’s two losses in the upcoming future, in my opinion.
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